The funny thing about change is most of us are scared shitless of it even though its such an essential part of human growth. For me personally change is a bittersweet thing. There are times I will welcome change into my life with open arms but there are other times certain changes are just things we don’t want to face in life.  I remember my last day of primary school  and how I hated leaving all my friends and favourite teachers behind it was like I felt this sadness leaving all these memories behind but that very sadness stuck with me until around three years into secondary school. I honestly hated it so much. Some changes like this are inevitable with age. There comes a time in a persons life where they need to move on to better things or move on to worse things in order for them to actually learn the true meaning of life.

One change I welcomed into my life with a smile on my face was leaving that secondary school life behind and becoming a college student. I’m not going to lie to you my first year of college was probably one of the worst and best years of my life. One, I left secondary and never had to see any of those people I spent five years with again (in fact three years on I haven’t seen about 95% of them and I am so damn grateful). Two, that year I figured out and made some true friends and may be I have drifted apart from some but that is mostly because most of them have either left for university or have found themselves a job or apprenticeship so their isn’t much time for any of us to meet up nowadays. Three, I failed two out three of my a level exams that year and I felt like the biggest failure on the face of the planet but I soon got up on my feet and made it through the second. What I am getting at is that, as humans, change is something we have to live and bear with whether it be through education, work, family, friends or just out own personalities. Change is inevitable and we can never alter that.

The past few months I have been ranting and ranting on about how human growth is key because initially I want to find and see my own human growth just like I see it in others. I look around at the people I cherish and love and I am so damn proud at what they have accomplished and the amazing people they have become with each passing year. They have found their passions, their strengths and found themselves in the things  they love. The happiness and joy I have them is so great then I look at myself and I don’t feel that joy for me because if I have grown in some ways I haven’t grown in the most important ways and that’s something I am working on. There are many doubts we have as people with change and with certain situations that we forget sometimes we think too much and our minds stress us out over the most tiniest of things. Sometimes they are huge decisions but our minds always make it into something bigger. It’s like out minds are so fixated on these problems and to find a solution for each of them that they make these complicated mazes where every turn you feel lost or lonely but really if we didn’t think of it too much we would never be in those mazes in the first place.

Change in friendships and relationships can sometimes be the hardest, but they don’t always have to be a bad thing even if it feels like it at the time. At times its just being out of step with a person. For example, if one person is two steps a head of you and you feel like you don’t click anymore you shouldn’t worry. You shouldn’t worry because this person is in your life because you found each other and clicked instantly and that very person will still be there for you to grab their hand and pull you up to where they are. Maybe I am talking from experience or maybe lately I am being more observant than I have ever been but friendships and relationships are a two way thing that is maintained through love, care, sweat and tears because if I person is worth it you will make an effort to show them they are.

Sometimes we sit and we realise small things that make so much sense in that moment and your mind just opens and you realise that wow that is so true. Like the other day I was just sat and the quote ‘actions speak louder than words’ popped into my head and it made me realise that I do not know how to express my emotions if they are not through written words. It’s weird really realising these things because you feel like your are doing everything right but in reality all that your are really doing is wrong. Making amends, expressing feelings, making a person understand you or just simply showing people who you really is more louder in action than in words. For a person who hates being put into any kind of social thing it can be difficult but I’ll get there eventually.

***

This post has come late and I am sorry but I have been a very overthinking and very stressed out idiot these past two months so forgive me for the delay. If I am honest with you guys then I’ll have to say that this is the third time I have tried writing a blog post since my last blog post and this one is finished because it felt right. (it honestly just took me an hour to write this). Unfortunately, I won’t be posting for another two months but this is only because my exams start in nine days and I need to put my full focus into my exams if I want to get into university. So until next time guys

-Tamrina x

 

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