filling in the blanks

Hey guys it’s me and yes I am a little late but you’ll have to forgive me for that. Please? I promise I’ll try to be more consistent on posts and not just on here but also on my other socials. I’ve been doing things, finding things and honestly just doing me. Now, I am back and I am bolder than ever. I am here today to post a blog about what’s been going on and the changes that are going to take place on this platform. So it’s a filler blog before the actual blog post I am planning to post in about two weeks, I guess. Just bare with me.

The last post I posted was written with tears running down my face, a shattered heart and pain within my soul. I wrote it as a way of convincing myself I was okay when really? I wasn’t. I’m still not. I used that post to try to reason with myself that I was the problem; I hurt because I was the problem and that everyone around me were not. I was so intoxicated with this negativity and tried so hard to be positive that it felt so fake but I’ve sort of pulled through and I’m here right. I guess that’s what matters. I am telling you guys this because I want to be real with you guys.

Life has been shit and it has been like that for a long time. Now the thing is many people will read that and be like “wow then that means she’s ungrateful” but it doesn’t. It means that I appreciate everything God has given me and everything He hasn’t. It means that I have been battered by those around me and myself so many times that I am so damn used it. I am so damn used to this darkness that sometimes it doesn’t even faze me. I just embrace the numbness. It’s not a bad thing. Truly it isn’t. Like I’ve said before, it’s okay not to be okay (yes I now have Who you are by Jessie J in my head- QUEEN!). We’re all human and however equal we are, we all respond differently to  different scenarios and situations but that’s what makes us us. Whatever has happened and will happen to me right now it doesn’t matter. What matters right now is that I am still here standing before you today with a smile on my face and hope that there are better days to come. Life has a funny way of working and if you give it the chance it’ll show all the possibilities for you to reach the stars because you can and you will. I know you will.

One of the main reasons I started this blog was because I bloody think a lot and not just the over thinking kind, no. The kind of thoughts burn so many emotions in me and are almost always the cause of a new excerpt, story idea or poem. It’s crazy really. I think a lot and that ends up with me ranting, debating and talking to myself. These are th etimes where most of my ideas are seeded from. Sounds lonely eh? It is. But the loneliness isn’t why I did it, I did it because there are people out there in need of our voices, in need of our help and in need of a person. Maybe it sounds too good to be out here helping people but this is the only way I know how without really jumping too much out of my comfort zone, without hurting myself in the process.

Another main reason I started this blog was to make people aware of things that we don’t so easily talk about in society. Things like discrimination, mental health and exploitation. Things we ignore, we stigmatise or we say we can’t do anything about. I have been speaking about these issues for awhile now and best believe I have had my handful of idiots saying things like I do it for attention or that speaking about it won’t change a thing but it’s bullshit. We speak to make people aware. Awareness is the first step to change and there is no awareness without speaking about the things we need to be aware of. You can try and shut me up but I will continue screaming about these issues until I am heard. We all deserve to be treated equally, to have a say into the world we live in and to be helped according to our circumstances. It’s better to do something than sitting around and doing nothing. So here’s me doing something, however small it is, it’s still something.

On to the changes. You’ve probably already seen a few changes one change being that I changed ‘tmpoetry’ to my name on the Home page. I wanted my name there simply because it’s me and I was going to change my domain address too but I hit a few difficulties. Hopefully I  can change it too in the near future. I am also making some changes in the tone of my posts and the visuals of the actual site itself. As you can already see, (I hope you’re reading this on a  monitor because this theme looks like poop on a mobile screen) I’ve changed the theme from Harmonic to Lodestar and I like it. I really do. In the months to come I am hoping to change the colours and the vibe of this blog. From the little social media icons to the photographs I post. I am planning to reach out and achieve things I never thought I could and that starts with changing the mentality I posses where I think I am not good enough to change these things, but apparently I am.

Results day is approaching and I am shitting bricks because for the first time in a long time I really do not know what to expect. I usually have a small idea on how I did but this time honestly? I haven’t a bloody clue. I’m honesty trying to just distract myself until the 17th August comes, with things like work (yes I have a job now), reading, writing and lots and lots of planning for future projects. I have a camera in mind that I want to purchase soon so these projects could take place in the very near future and least’s to say I am so damn excited.

I am excited for what this blog is going to bring, for what my writing and photography are going to bring and what you’re going to bring because as small as my reader base is its a nice feeling to know their are people who actually read the things I write so thank you. I hope what I have in store doesn’t disappoint. Take care and I’ll see you guys in a couple weeks.

-T.M. x

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